


Suicide Letters To The Moon

by GreetingsFromThePunderworld



Category: My Chemical Romance
Genre: Astronomy References, Depressing, I'm Sorry, M/M, Mentions of Suicide, The notes are important, mentions of Jail, please read the warnings, school shooting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-28
Updated: 2016-12-28
Packaged: 2018-09-13 00:09:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,942
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9096589
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GreetingsFromThePunderworld/pseuds/GreetingsFromThePunderworld
Summary: "Would you shoot the moon for me?" "I'd shoot anything for you..." Just a bunch I poorly placed astronomy metaphors in a depressing story.





	

**Author's Note:**

  * For [my_chemical_kermit](https://archiveofourown.org/users/my_chemical_kermit/gifts).



> Please do not read if you are sensitive to or triggered by:
> 
> Shootings  
> Suicide  
> Jail  
> Needles  
> Death and sadness in general
> 
> Please stay safe! <3

'Dear Frank, My Moon,

I could never leave you an unwritten goodbye, I care for you to much to leave such frayed ends.

I've re-written this more times than stars both you and I can count. I think I finally got this one right.

I knew I would always be head over heels for you. No force could change that. Not even some nuclear force, or the gravitational pull of a black hole. I would like to think I would still love you all the same if I got sucked into a black hole where even space and time itself loses value.

I really hope you get what I'm saying because I never told you in person. I won't be able to either. I am already gone after all.  
Unless you joined me.  
I don't want that.  
Please don't follow me and don't do anything stupid like you usually do.

Since I can't tell you all of this face to face I will have to settle to tell you through ink on a piece of paper. It's not nearly as poetic as words written in the sand or as the patterns the constellations spell out, but it will be easier for both of us this way.

I don't know what I would have done without you. You saved my life. For a little while at least. Maybe I would have still been thinking about hurting myself every day if I hadn't met you.

Either way, you were my whole world. You were the moon in a sky only we could see. The only light being shed in the middle of the night. But none of that really mattered especially after I let our sky fall apart. I'm sorry, I don't blame you for that. You didn't want to leave. You can't blame yourself either.

I couldn't ever blame you for leaving. Some things are just that important, but it is still terribly sad that, like you, even the moon leaves once a month. You both faded so quickly, you both left me alone. The only difference was that the moon came back first. I don't know why I wrote that I'm sorry.

I thought too much about everything. I'm sorry that you stopped being my everything. I'm sorry I let them get to me when you left. Most of all I'm sorry for letting our sky collapse on us. When you went away I couldn't hold it up anymore, it pinned me down while you escaped. It's really not your fault, I was already crumbling long before we met. I don't think even Frank Lloyd Wright could have fixed me.

You once said you wouldn't let anything hurt me, and if something did you would shoot them.

I thought you were being serious. What if the moon was the one that hurt me? Would you shoot the moon for me? No that's silly, you told me that you would shoot anything for me.

When you said that I was confused as to why you never shot me, after all, I was the one hurting myself the most. Then I guess I realized that we were both weak. Love had made us weak for each other. Falling in love with you is one of the few things I didn't regret. You couldn't have done anything to save me, I want you to know that. Deep down I think we both knew it would always end like this for me. I just ask one thing of you, whenever you look at the stars remember me. Don't regret what we had. Don't forget either.

Just move on to a new day, see the sunrise. Move on to the next night and see the stars, our stars, fill the sky.

Thank you for everything. I love you, baby. If I could have etched it into the side of Mars I would have.

-xoxoG'

 

 

All in all the letter didn't make much sense, the paragraphs didn't string together well, the overall structure was sloppy. Suicide letters aren't known for their grammatical perfection, Frank concluded.

 

Frank had read and reread the note trying to feel something. Even months later Frank still felt numb. He was numb to the disgusted glares of the civilians he passed on his way into the courthouse to be tried. He was numb to the metal handcuffs digging into his wrists. He was numb to the fact he had been charged with multiple lifelong sentences. Most of all he was numb to the fact that Gerard was dead.

 

A fierce snapping shook Frank out of the daze he had become accustomed to.

 

"Are you finally gonna talk Iero?" The police officer growled. Frank hadn't said a single word since the day he had been taken into custody. If he wasn't talking Gerard down, what was the point?

 

The lady sitting next to Frank started up again, going on about a bunch of bullshit. "If you confess, they may take off a few life sentences. Frank? Are you even listening?" It was clear by this point that Frank was just a shell of his former self. He didn't care.

 

Frank tuned out again until the officers booming voice echoed throughout the room. "Where the hell did you even get the gun?" The officer's eyes bulged out of his head, he raised his hand as if he were about to strike Frank. Frank turned his head, expecting a jolting blow. Most people didn't take sympathy for mass murders. Especially when they do what Frank did. Instead, the officer huffed and settled back down in his plastic chair.

 

 

 

Gerard had talked about getting lost in the stars. Frank guessed he had finally gotten lost for real this time.

 

"Would you shoot the moon for me?" Gerard asked from under his heavily lidded eyes.

 

"I'd shoot anything for you," Frank commented back, taring up a handful of clumpy grass. Gerard peered back up at the dark sky, overflowing with sparkling dots.

 

Frank brushed off the remaining shreds of grass on his hands and took Gerard's hand in his. Frank laid down in the dewy grass gazing up at the sky with Gerard.

 

Gerard looked down from the sky to Frank and let out a small gasp. "They're gone, Frankie," Gerard said in awe, leaning in closer, staring deeper into Franks' eyes.

 

"What is, babe? What's gone?" Frank asked in concern sitting up abruptly while Gerard continued to stare deeply.

 

"The stars, Frank. The stars are gone." Gerard whispered, his lips now ghosting over Franks.

 

"Well, where'd they go?" Frank leaned back slightly and asked.

 

"To your eyes. I wanna get lost in the stars in your eyes." Gerard laced his hands around Franks' neck and pulled him closer until their dry lips met.

 

 

 

A different officer prodded Frank sharply in between his shoulder blades. They were shuffling down a bleak hallway.

 

The stained floor tiles flashed a menacing grin. 'You deserve this' they taunted. Frank looked up from the smirking floor to stare at the end of the hallway. He truly did deserve this. A heavily bolted metal door stood mere feet away. Frank slowed to a stop in front of it waiting for it to open.

 

Click. The bolts unlocked. Frank tugged at the handcuffs out of habit to push the door open. It swings open on its own, Frank was ushered through the doorway.

 

The expressionless guard stepped away from Frank and pointed to the other side of the eerily silent room. Frank nodded and began shuffling forward.

 

 

 

Frank shouldered the bulky duffle bag and quickly made his way to the boy's bathroom tossing worried glances behind him.

 

He locked the door behind him and dropped the bag onto the ground with a muffled thud. On autopilot, he unzipped the bag and pulled out the dull black weapon. He set it to the side.

 

Frank took out the belts. He shrugged off his sweater and laced the weighted metal around his chest.

 

Frank clipped in the magazine. He double checked all the mechanics. He couldn't have it stalling on him. This needed to happen. For Gerard.

 

He tossed on the long jacket and stood up. He avoided looking at his reflection in the mirror.

 

Breathing heavily Frank gripped the gun tighter and threw open the bathroom door to the crowded hall.

 

 

 

The guard had pointed to another door, this one was also automatic. Frank walked across the room to the door awaiting him. His orange jumpsuit contrasted greatly with the washed out lights and white walls.

 

The door remained shut. The sole occupant of the room aside from Frank spun on his heal and exited, leaving Frank to his lonesome.

 

Frank waited. He stared holes in the door, waiting for it to open.

 

A crackly voice came on over an intercom. "Step away from the door." Frank complied. There was no point being rebellious, it was much too late. Franks fate was already set in the stars.

 

A loud buzzer rang and the door opened.

 

On the other side, three more officers stood with grim faces. They took Frank's restraints and led him down yet another hallway.

 

 

"I'm not living." Gerard began. "Well not really, not for a while anyway. In the most cliche way possible, I'm only going through the motions. I'm a coward, I'm much too afraid to keep doing this every day. I'll miss you. Goodbye" Frank pressed the replay button again.

 

Gerard left this message months ago, it was right before his first attempt. Frank still listened to the saved voicemail. He didn't know why he saved it.

 

They hadn't known each other at all then. The occasional call and rare outing. But now they were dating, Gerard had told him he felt alive now. Frank had fixed him.

 

 

The guard's shoes made soft, repetitive tapping sounds on the floor. One particularly tall officer held on too tightly to Frank's arm. His right arm.

 

This hallway turned sharply to the right. Almost Immediately, another door, the final door before Frank's final moments. An icy grip clutched onto his heart, his stomach dropped, and he felt elated.

 

"Ready?" One of the officers asked, Bennett, was his name. Frank nodded in response.

 

Officer Bennett knocked on the door twice. The other officer squeezed his arm tighter.

 

Frank inhaled sharply when the door opened, a doctor, by the looks of it held open the door. A sly grin spread across the man's saggy features. Frank looked past the doctor to the center of the room, he could feel his heart beating, pounding to escape.

 

Frank squeezed his eyes shut and let out a shaky breath.

 

 

 

"Oh my god!" A shrill voice shrieked from somewhere in the crowded hallway. The students stopped and turned their heads.

 

The girl was pointing with a shaky finger. All eyes follow her finger to a boy.

 

"He's got a gun." Another person shrieked.

 

A mass of screams broke out as Frank raised the firearm and pulled the trigger. He didn't have to aim, surely at least one bullet would hit someone amongst the running and shrieking figures.

 

Guess those stars Gerard saw weren't anything more than disappointing, metal satellites.

 

 

Frank's feet slapped sharply against the pavement. He had ditched the gun and heavy jacket at the school. They were too heavy to run with.

 

He could hear the sirens from a few streets away, they were screaming. 'We're coming for you.'

 

Frank leaped up the steps to his front porch. He blinked back the tears welling up in his eyes. He used his sleeve to wipe them away as he ran up the stairs.

 

Frank threw open the door to his room, in a flurry of motion, he fumbled for the piece of paper. He clenched it tight to his chest and quickly made his way to the bathroom.

 

Not bothering to take his shoes or clothes off, Frank flung the clear curtain aside and stepped into the tub. He yanked the curtain closed again and turned on the water. He let it run over his converse, they quickly grew soggy.

 

Frank pulled on the nozzle, the shower head shuddered and released a heavy flow of water. He held Gerard's note out of the stream of water and read it one last time. Water trickled into his eyes his shirt was drenched and sticking to his back.

 

The sirens were right outside on the street. Frank could almost hear the clicking and grinding of their guns. He read the last sentence, sets of heavy boots thudded up the stairs.

 

Everything went silent. The water running through the pipes, Frank's shallow breaths and pounding heart.

 

The bathroom door flung open, reading 'xoxoG' in smudged, runny ink was the last thing Frank could recall of the experience.

 

 

Frank stepped into the room. A bed similar to a dentists seat sat in the center of the tiled room, only it had more restraints. Next, to it, a stainless steel tray was set up.

 

Frank knew what came next. He steadied his breathing making his way to the chair.

 

Frank took a seat on the crinkly paper spread out on the seat. Bennett offered him what Frank took as a reassuring smile. The guard that had been holding his arm to tight pushed on Franks' chest so that he would be laying down. The third guard helped Bennett lace the straps around Frank's chest, his arms and legs.

 

Three of the last people Frank would ever see stepped back and took their militant places on the wall.

 

The doctor tugged on the straps, apparently, they held Frank down sufficiently. Frank turned his head to the right to see what lay on the tray. The doctors back blocked his view. Instead Frank craned his neck to look past his toes, the opposing wall was reflective. Frank concluded that it was a one-way mirror, like in the movies.

 

Perhaps Mikey had shown up. Maybe even Ray, he doubted Bob would waste the effort, but he knew for a fact his parents were there. Their tear-stained faces bowed down in grief and disappointment.

 

Frank looked at his blurry reflection, he smiled and wiggled his fingers, waving goodbye to the people past the glass.

 

The doctor turned back to face Frank, who rested his head back down on the crinkly paper. "My name is Dr. Hopkins, I'll be taking care of this... procedure." The doctor croaked and revealed a damp pad that smelled strongly of antiseptic.

 

"Rad." Frank exhaled as Hopkins rubbed the cold pad over Frank's tattooed bicep. The doctor scoffed and turned his lips down in disgust.

 

In his other hand, a needle, that held the lethal injection. "I wouldn't suppose your last words are to be 'rad'. Would you like change that?" Hopkins loomed over Frank, needle raised as he measured out the dosage.

 

Hopkins raised a furry brow, Frank rolled his eyes and then shut them, not wanting the last thing he sees to be an old toad. Frank imagined Gerard and him, gazing up at the stars. He imagined Gerard's eyes sparkling with an unending curiosity for the great unknown. The way his lips curled to laugh at something he said. The way his dark hair fell in strings over those beautiful eyes.

 

Frank felt the sharp metal press against his taut skin, the needle pierced the first layer and slid easily into his vein.

 

Gerard was always a comet. Blazing fiery, bright through space. Frank had been chasing his comet tail, always trying to catch up. Now he finally had, Gerard's illuminating trail had long lost its blaze, it was just a smoldering ghost to Frank.

 

"It was for him..." Frank whispered in time as Hopkins pressed down on the needle, the liquid death flowing into Frank's veins, his heart pumping the toxin into every crevice of his body.

 

Franks thoughts grew fuzzy as he forever slipped into an unconsciousness amongst the stars with Gerard.

 

 

On the other side of the glass a tear rolled down Gerard's cheek, he splayed his hand out on the cool glass. Gerard rested his forehead against it and snapped his eyes shut not being able to bear watching the light leave his moon.

 

Mikey wrapped an arm around his older brother and pulled him into a tight hug. Gerard clutched onto Mikey's jacket letting his tears soak into the faux-leather.

 

"It was for him..." Gerard heard a crackling voice whisper through the speakers.

 

Mikey knew he shouldn't have let Gerard come, he was breaking in his arms. Especially since not even a week ago he had been laying in some hospital bed, in a coma from the pills. Gerard would have hated him if he didn't let him come, though.

 

Mikey had to turn his head as the doctor pushed down on the needle, he couldn't imagine how excruciating this must be for Gerard to watch.

 

"Shh, I know." Mikey cooed rubbing Gerard's back in an attempt to soothe him.

 

"It hurts Mikes, it hurts so bad." Gerard sobbed into the jacket.

 

"I know Gee, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry." Mikey was fighting back his own tears when the lights in the holding room shut off.

 

 

Mikey stared ahead at the road blankly. Gerard remained still as a statue in the passenger seat. His eyes were still red and irritated from crying until no more tears fell.

 

"I'm not gonna try again," Gerard whispered.

 

"Okay," Mikey said not removing his eyes from the expanse of the road ahead. A long silence filled the car.

 

"I'm gonna live for him." Gerard continued looking out the foggy window at the clear sky.

 

The star-filled sky.

 

The moonless sky.

 

**Author's Note:**

> Fuckin hell, I'm really sorry. 
> 
>  
> 
> I was sad because I don't like the holidays so I wrote something sad to channel the feels.
> 
>  
> 
> If anybody needs anything cleared up the comments are that way vvv 
> 
> Also, I think it should be stated that this in no way is based on what I think either of these lovely men would ever even consider, I'm a little 'sick' upstairs.


End file.
